It is a blessing every day...

As I have mentioned previously in my blog, I have been riding an emotional roller coaster.  And as promised, I am going to explain by sharing what the Lord is doing in the life of my family... because no matter what is going on in life: God is sovereign. God is in control. God loves me beyond what I can comprehend.  God has given me the greatest gift by saving me through our amazing savior Jesus Christ.  God cares. God understands. And God loves.

I was once told by a very wise woman, "Every child you have is God's child, and it is a blessing every day He allows you to be its mom... no matter the number."   She told me this after I had had a miscarriage of my first pregnancy in 2010.  It was such a truth that I needed to hear.  After such a loss, it is very easy to wish it had never happened. Wish that you had never been pregnant at all. But that wasn't what I felt, I loved that baby! I wanted that baby! And I missed that baby. It was as if when she told me that, it was the Lord freeing me to know that I was a mom, it may have only been for 10 weeks, but I got to be a mom!  It was a blessing.  It was hard to understand and comprehend, but I was grateful for that first pregnancy, for my first baby.  The sadness was and is still there, but my focus was not on the hurt, it was on the joy of my awesome God and all the blessings that He had, has, and has promised me.  It allowed me to understand in a very real way that God hates sin, and hates the effects of sin, he hates death. God hates that my baby died because of a sinful world. And once again my loving God brought my focus back on His amazing gospel.  He knew, from the very beginning, that He was going to need to save his people from sin and death. So He planned, from the very beginning, to send a Savior, His son.  He promised, and He gave.  We now have the freedom to be in relationship with our God, our awesome holy God because of that plan that Jesus fulfilled.  But the hope isn't over, the plan isn't finished.  Some day, God promises to say enough is enough and end sin and death completely! That is my hope. That is my joy! And that never changes, and can never be taken away.  My God promises that some day, miscarriages won't happen, death will be done, and sin will be gone.  How awesome is our God!

Last week Calvin and I found out that we had miscarried again.  The hurt and sadness is still there, but so is my joy.  I am able to cling again to my God's promises and love.  I am able to focus once again on all the blessings and hope that my Savior gives me. I am able to say once again that it was a blessing every day I got to take care of that baby.  We are definitely sad we lost another baby, but we serve an amazing God that comforts and gives joy and peace beyond understanding.
I don't know the end of this story yet... and that's exciting :) Right now our family is a family of four, but when and how God changes that in the future is a joy and blessing to even imagine!